Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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