my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I am available for nakedness
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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