why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
