i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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