Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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