So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
