i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
