You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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