The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
