it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
