ugly people sure do ruin things
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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