I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
