I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
