i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
