I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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