My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
