would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
