peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
