Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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