They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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