Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
