as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He passed out mid-signature
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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