u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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