I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
