I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You were trust falling into bushes
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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