I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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