I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
