Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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