I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
