We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize