Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize