too bad you live with your parents still
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
