I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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