i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
