I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Mom said you looked used
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize