Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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