thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
