And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
