Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just pee around me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
