His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
