He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
