why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
