I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
