i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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