you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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