remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
