my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
