I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
