he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
