I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just tell him i said nine months
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize