dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My bed smells like the plague
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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