Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
