Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
