I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
