rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
