If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
