I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
