Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
