Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You took a bar mat shot.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
