her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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