I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
