just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
