Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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