woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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