forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
