false alarm. still invincible.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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