everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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