you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize