he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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