apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
