It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
