I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
sex in a hospital.. check
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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