I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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