At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
