Umm I'm too high to move.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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