pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i dont even know how to be here
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
