I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
