Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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