he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
