Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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