I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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