I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize