Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
