they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
