Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
