He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
